When you feel like you’re too much and not enough at the same time, life is an endless balancing act. You wonder if you should’ve sent that text one minute, only to reassure yourself that you’re not being needy the next.
You wonder if you laughed too loudly, joked too quickly about all the wrong things. If you should’ve waited a few more days before asking to see someone again. If you should’ve waited for them to ask first. You want so badly to go after the things you want, but convince yourself that instead of wanting more, you should be content with what you already have, with what others are willing to give you.
It’s a maddening dance – your head and your heart whipping left and then right – until all you feel is dizzy and sick and wishing you hadn’t bothered trying to put yourself out there in the first place.
Deep down inside you know that it isn’t what others are doing making you feel the way you do, but the internal monologue you have with yourself. The voices inside can sound so much like everyone you know, it can be impossible to tell the difference.
So you sit alone, head in your hands, and feel the tears come, wondering: why can’t I just be okay for one day?